Two truths.

‘Two truths can exist at the same time’. The first time I heard this saying, I cannot in clear terms describe how it sent my head spiralling into a myriad of thoughts.

This might not have been the case if I had a personality that permitted me to hold a flexible position in most matters. My sociable nature was a huge contradiction to the unagreeable mindset I could have when deliberating ideas or having arguments.

I will give you an example of how my mind used to work: I will seek out the right and wrong of a matter and then lean towards any side that mattered to me, but when I am confronted with an ambiguous issue where there is no clear cut side to choose from, then I am unable to have any opinion towards it. In such cases, in the past, I withdraw to myself and filed them in my subconscious as ‘things that are not very clear to meI’.

One would argue if this was a function of my upbringing as an African Christian female, where you are groomed not to question culture and religion. Although my religion contributed in many ways to my tunnel mindset, I grew up in a household where my father was not a stickler for cultural traditions. In hindsight, my father was an egalitarian.

My Father always took a clear stand, at least in most issues I was aware of, but he showed understanding and tolerance to differing views. This reflected in way he treated people who were not of similar religious or political inclinations. His leanings or perspectives at any given time didn’t affect his ability to listen or learn, he is what you will describe as open-minded.

My father extended grace at all times to everyone, even to the people who took positions that clearly hurt him.

I will not say that he didn’t know how to deal a mean hand to people, because I have seen that gentleman take tough stands and handled foolishness in the past, rather he acted as one who woke up everyday choosing to be kind to humanity.

I always wondered where he found the strength to be noble or kind, especially after witnessing series of betrayal from his close allies, siblings and relatives. I love my father and I know we are similar in many ways, but I fervently hoped I didn’t inherit this particular attribute of his.

Over the years, it became clear that my inability to see any other perspective was borne out of fear. Fear of being taken advantage of, fear of vulnerability, fear of criticism, and so on. I wanted to be seen as someone who was certain, and I hated to be described as one who sits on the fence. I felt my position on any matter should be clear and not misunderstood even if disappointing or unwelcome.

‘Two truths can exist at the same time’. This saying changed my mindset, it made my burden lighter, and it helped me appreciate my father’s life on Earth. I will not boast of having a malleable mind or being the most agreeable person in the room, but I now consider varying perspectives in most events/incidents/issues and recognise how different opinions can be close to the truth or lie, and there are very few absolutes in life.

This is another win for you, Daddy. Happy birthday, I love you always.

Continue to rest in peace…. And power.